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Thursday, November 5, 2015

Anniversary Post (and btw, sorry my two oldest children’s pics have disappeared from this blog but I can’t remember how to fix it)

I have decided to quit blogging.  I just don’t have time for it.  Besides, I have always been an emotional writer...I only want to do it when my emotions are extreme.  When I am angry, overwhelmed, excited, one wants to hear all that mess and I sure don’t want to have to go back and re-read it. ;-)

I think this will be my last post.

On this anniversary of my wedding day, I am going to dedicate this post to my husband and our marriage.  It’s a good way to end a blog.

I am married to an amazing man.  He is rock steady.  I have, over the past 28 years, simultaneously fought against that steadiness AND craved/needed it.  I am NOT rock steady.  I am pretty flighty.  I change my mind frequently.  I like to try new stuff.  I get bored easily. I am wildly inconsistent in almost everything.  I get irritated easily when people don’t let me be wildly inconsistent (and love me for it).  Seriously?

We are a pretty perfect example of the “opposites attract” theory.  He is an introvert, I am an extrovert.  I will gladly forego the “chores” for fun, or reading, or camping..., he firmly believes in getting the chores done first and THEN having fun.  He is a techie, I am SO NOT.  He hates to argue, I love to argue (that one has been a biggie for 28 years).  I am a spender, he is happy with a $2 coffee once a week, and maybe a new gun once in awhile.  He is a hunter/fisherman, I prefer my “nature” surrounded by boisterous friends/family and all the comforts of home (i.e., glamping).  I love country music, he does not love country music (but tolerates it for me).  For the first 7 years of our marriage he didn’t want kids and I did.  For the last 7 years of our marriage I can’t get him to STOP having kids.  He can dance, I can’t.  You get the picture, right?

I have always thought I was pretty easy to live with.  I mean, I really like me. Now that I write it down though, I realize that especially an introverted, steady, logical, Type A personality may find me a little maddening.   Fortunately, he hates to argue so he rarely shows it if he does find it maddening to live with me.

The truth is, we have made a really good life together.  We are not "soul mates".  I don’t believe humans can be that to each other.  My soul mate is God, He created that spot to only be filled by Him.  I have only gotten us into trouble during these 28 years when I have forgotten that, and believed that it was a spot my husband could and should fill. We ARE partners, friends, lovers.  The dynamic of those roles has changed dramatically and frequently over the years...because I am wildly inconsistent. ;-)  He would love it if he could predict and maintain a status quo in any or all of those roles, but it’s just not going to happen.  Reality.  

I WILL TRY not to argue so much.  Why, just this morning when he told me to get a good look at our huge out-of-control forsythia bush because he was giving it a serious trimming and I wouldn’t recognize it...I told him I would not argue (as I have the past 3 years). It’s our anniversary after gift to him today. ;-)

Happy Anniversary!

Another example of our opposites:

DW’s current favorite artist/song

I can’t pick a favorite, but I really relate to this one at the moment ;-)

Thursday, May 1, 2014

I Gotta Be Me

This morning I had an epiphany.

A while ago, my daughter came home from college and had us all take personality tests.  She had to take one at her church so they'd know better how to place her in a service role and she had been guessing all of our personalities ever since.  I already had a copy of mine and DW's so we had fun reading all about our different personalities and how/why we relate to each other the way we do.  It's really fascinating.

So, this morning, my epiphany...
I have been doing it all wrong the past year and a half!  Somewhere in the adoption process (likely toward the end and possibly even IN China), I decided that who God made me to be was not good enough.  I needed to be someone else...more structured, stronger, rational, reliable, boring.  This is what these boys need (I said to myself).  All the books say it, older boys raised in an institutional environment for their early life will need lots of structure and stability.  I am in trouble (I said to myself), I had better buck up.  I had better get serious about school, and chores, and order, and conformity (those of you who really know me are laughing right now).  Nevermind that I have no idea how to do this.  I mean, I do love it to APPEAR orderly.  I love a clean house and dishes all put away and beds made.  But I will forego ALL of that in a heartbeat if a friend calls and wants to do something fun, or maybe even something not-so-fun, just together :-)

So, a year and a half in, I am very close to hating myself, people.  I don't know who the heck I am.  I mean, I hear myself and I DONT EVEN LIKE ME.  What the?!?  Why am I doing this?  No wonder I can't bond with my kids, I have no idea WHY they would ever want to bond with this person.  She is ridiculous, at times mean even.  She is not fun, she has forgotten how to laugh, she is stressed all the time.  She snaps at the most ridiculous things.  She wants to run away.

The point is...I don't have to run away.  I need to STOP running away from who I am and BE who I was created to be.  Enjoy the ride, look at the scenery, get off at all the stops and explore.  Shop in all the thrift stores and eat in all the hole-in-the-wall cafes!  Did it ever occur to me that God put these particular boys in our family because THEY needed fun and compassion MORE than structure?!?  Hmmmmm, that's an idea.

So, I'm over it.  I am who I am.  I actually LIKE who I am when I am not trying to be someone else.  I will leave that other person to my husband who, by the way, is my exact opposite.  Just a glimpse into his personality...when I suggested going to look at a tiny vintage camper I am interested in buying to redo and use for fun "girly" trips to Country Living Fairs and such, he suggested that instead, I use the $$ I am saving for this to...wait for it...GET THE HOUSE PAINTED.  WHAT?!?  Yeah, because that is almost the same thing as freedom on the open road.  Sigh.  (God love him.)